hey lonely girl

Everything is crazy, spinning out of control. I hate the way I react to things. I hate the way I can't trust people- and how they prove that to me everyfriggenday. I opened myself up to you, I wanted to tell you things I've never dreamed of telling anyone else. And what do you do? Indirectly reject me.

I should have known. I should have known that you just loved to play mind games... even though I was the only one you played them with. You act like everything's all right. Well it's not. That hurt, the way I willingly handed over my heart to keep in your trust and all you did was hold it for a moment then throw it back.

Then you wonder why I'm so cold, why I can't manage to even fake a laugh at your stupid jokes I use to find funny. Now I hate when you touch me, when you poke my sides because you think it's funny to see me jump. I wish you'd just go away because it's too temping to let my heart fall back into your hands. You're turning my mind and heart against eachother.

And I wonder why. Why did you flirt so much when you only saw me as a friend. Why don't you like me more? Because I'm fat? Because I have pimples? Because I smell? Because I don't wear tight cloths? Is it because I don't wear make-up? or why? I just don't understand what is so wrong with me. Maybe it is just everything combined. The 145 pounds, the pimples around my chin, the baggy cloths, my smell (whatever that smells like... I have yet to find out), my make-upless face?

I want to hate you. I want to dispise you. But I can't... I just can't. Now I have to spend 24 fun hours with you because we're on the same Relay For Life team. I hope I don't let myself fall again. I hope you don't ruin all of my fun.

N !